Dane Bowers: Do You Want To Be Famous Or Not?

Sometimes you just know when enough is enough. Pop Idol’s Rik Waller gets it, and apparently now works as an exam invigilator. Michelle McManus gets it too, and after a brief period as a lollypop lady, she now has a very successful dog walking business. In celebrityville there isn’t anybody with a stop watch counting the seconds on your 15 minutes of fame, so occasionally a strong element of self-regulation is required. Sometimes they get it wrong and 15 minutes becomes half an hour. What I’m doing here is giving celebrities cause to think that maybe, just maybe, the clock has been reset for them. However, quite often I don’t hear back from a celebrity at all. Not a rejection, just nothing. Emailing multiple addresses and nothing happens. What’s going on here? If you have a management team, or an agent, they should be chasing up and at least trying to verify all possible leads, right? Dane Bowers is obviously an exception. I have tried and tried with this guy but I get nothing back. Perhaps he has seen the clock hit 15 and walked away. Is this the case? Does he want to be famous or not?

I had genuinely forgotten about Dane. I was never that knowledgeable about Another Level, and had merely a passing annoyance at the song he did with Posh Spice. I knew he had made it to the final of Celebrity Big Brother with harmonica wielding Alex Reid but that was three years ago. What had been going on since then?

About three months ago I stumbled on this: ‘Dane Bowers had to be physically restrained and handcuffed following an incident at family holiday centre Butlins last week.’ Lord preserve me. After headlining at a 90s night in Bognor Regis he had apparently taken umbrage to a drunken reveller continually calling him Brian Harvey, despite repeat warnings that he was his own man, his own 90s star. I know he had trained in muay Thai with Jack Osborne so I assume he handed out a bit of a beating but the trial isn’t until 29th October. Along with two associates, who were also charged with having a few grams of snort about their person, he saw the inside of a nick and I have it on good authority that his first call was to Lee Latchford-Evans, formerly of Steps, who has now trained as a solicitor.

Did Dane now simply prefer these smaller, more intimate gigs? Was he tired of the fame game or was this just the work he was being offered these days? I had to find out so I came up with a show idea to see if he or his team would bite.

Dear ASM Damage,

 
I’m hoping for some information on the availability in the coming months of Mr Dane Bowers. I’m working on a few TV show ideas and given the recent success of the Big Reunion, and I guess the general re-interest in all things 90s/early 2000s I thought it would be brilliant to get one of the key figures of that time back in focus.
 
The show I have in mind for Mr Bowers is to be titled Bowers vs. The Towers. The premise is much like the Amazing Race, but will only involve Dane and its key point is that he would be limited to a budget of £10 a day. This would mean he will have to barter, beg and charm his way to each of the towers. The show will start with him at the Tower of London and then take in the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Svanetian Towers (in Georgia) and finishing with the Minaret of Jam in Western Afghanistan (which I can assure you is much safer than it might sound). Of course we would be flexible with the course. Conceivably we could head west and take in the CN Tower and maybe one or two in Japan, China or Australia. The details are all fluid and reworkable. But as an opening idea, do you think it would be something Dane might be interested in. We will be pitching it to several production companies and channels, along with other shows such as Beefcakes vs. Cupcakes and a special take on David vs. Goliath, as part of a Versus season.
 
I look forward to hearing from you soon,
 
 

I waited and waited. I guess I timed it wrong. With court appearances looming, it’s highly likely a global trek on a small stipend is not top of his list. Perhaps, if he is found not guilty at trial his management team will be straight back to me to see if this is still a valid lead. And it will be. My leads never die.

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